How to Feel Inspired by Success instead of Jealous
Jealousy is a normal emotion. With a shift in perspective, you will feel inspired by success instead of jealous with these simple ideas.
Dear Spirited Earthling,
Jealousy is a natural and normal emotion that is part of human nature since childhood, and it can be worked through. it is possible to feel inspired by someone else's success rather than jealous, by using their success as a source of motivation and inspiration to achieve your own goals. It simply requires a shift in perspective.
In an early podcast episode of The Life Coach School Podcast host Brooke Castillo talks through the feelings of a listener (Sam) who sent an email about ways to deal with jealousy. This is how she encouraged Sam to feel inspired by success instead of jealousy.
Defining Envy and Jealousy
Because the words we use matter, here’s the difference in meaning between envy and jealousy:
· Envy is when you want what someone else has.
· Jealousy is when you feel like something is being taken away.
I’m envious of her stunning figure. I’m jealous she got the promotion (that I deserved).
We use them interchangeably, but they convey different feelings.
Different Ways You May Feel Jealous
Jealousy of Those Ahead of You
Sam feels jealous of people who got into his business niche before him and are now incredibly successful. Although he knows that his starting point was different, he feels like he has lost out because he didn’t get into the market as quickly.
How can this idea be applied to everyday life? You are jealous of someone who already has a high-paying job that affords them incredible travel experiences in their personal lives. You’re jealous of friends who are in solid and loving relationships because you think all the good ones are taken. Maybe you’re envious of someone’s amazing figure that looks good in everything and they’re also photogenic (one of today’s major social currencies).
This is a common form of jealousy where individuals feel envious of people who have achieved more success, recognition, or status than they have. They may desire the accomplishments or possessions of those who are further along in their careers, relationships, or other aspects of life.
Jealousy of Those at Your Level or Below
Sam then writes about people within his niche who started at the same time or shortly after him but have achieved greater success than him. He believes he works hard and is deeply jealous when someone succeeds quicker than him.
In an everyday context, you may be jealous when someone who isn’t interested in dating suddenly finds a great partner, while you're out there regularly trying to meet someone but are still single. Or you’ve been working out but still aren’t at your goal weight and someone who began their workout journey after you is already at theirs. There may even be an unsaid competition between fellow parents who feel some type of way when someone else's child is getting more recognition than their own.
Some people may feel jealous of their peers or those they perceive as being at a similar level or status. This form of jealousy can arise when individuals compare themselves to others and feel competitive or envious of their peers' achievements or lifestyles. Surprisingly, some individuals may also experience jealousy toward those they perceive as being less successful or accomplished. This can occur when people feel threatened by others' potential, opportunities, or perceived advantages, even if they are currently in a better position.
Other types of jealousy include social jealousy (feeling envious of someone's popularity, social circle, or the attention they receive from others), material jealousy (cars, houses, accessories, gadgets), and romantic jealousy (mild jealousy over a partner's friendships to more intense jealousy related to perceived infidelity).
What Feelings Lie Under the Jealousy?
When you ask yourself“Why don't I feel happy for my friend doing better than me?” think about which of these feelings may underlie your jealousy.
Competition and Comparison
In the podcast episode, Brooke explains that being competitive is not a bad thing, but having a winner-and-loser mentality is. If someone achieves great business success, it doesn’t mean that you cannot. If they have what you want, it doesn’t mean that you can never get your own.
The winner-and-loser mentality makes you think that when they're succeeding or achieving (winning) you're losing. But that isn’t true. The feeling comes from a place of scarcity. This closed mindset believes there is only one ‘prize’ and there isn’t enough success to go around. Ultimately, this is untrue. You, too, can find success and receive your own ‘prize’. Their success has not taken away yours, or your potential for it.
“I think jealousy comes from scarcity, from the idea that one person gets the prize and there's only one prize.” ~ Brooke Castillo
Comparing your job status, child’s achievements, car make, or the fashion brands you're wearing is the worst way to make yourself feel better because comparison is the thief of joy. Moreover, ask yourself if you are using this comparison as a reason to put yourself down. Are you using confirmation bias to support a narrative of yourself that says you’re worthless or inadequate?
“When you compare yourself to them, you're using that comparison as a way to beat yourself down and my guess would be that that's a pattern for you and that you could probably see it in other areas of your life where you use evidence. You're looking for evidence to feel badly.” ~ Brooke Castillo
Insecurity and Inadequacy
What insecurity of yours is their success triggering? Brooke remembers thinking that if she was as thin as Whitney Houston, she would be happy. That Whitney must be happy because she’s thin. In reality, Brooke didn’t know Whitney, or if she was happy, or if being thin made Whitney happy.
What narrative are you creating in your mind of someone else? You’re seeing highlight reels and curated feeds aimed to show the good times and successes, not the long nights or tears shed in private. When you think “If I had what they have, as fast as they have it, I would be happier”, do you truly believe you would be happier? Or would you be looking at the next box to tick and start the cycle of negative feelings again? Or are you hoping this success would hide an insecurity you don’t want to deal with?
“What you make it mean when someone else does something, is what's making you feel so terrible.” ~ Brooke Castillo
It's important to note that jealousy is a natural emotion and experiencing it from time to time is common. However, recognising and understanding the underlying feelings that contribute to jealousy can help individuals address and manage this emotion in a healthier way, leading to personal growth and improved relationships.
Turning Feelings of Jealousy into Inspiration
Now let's figure out how to be happy for a friend and how to get over jealousy. Brooke mentions a podcaster who earns close to $300 000 a month and instead of feeling jealous, she praises him and uses him as an example of what is possible to achieve. Ultimately, she believes what it comes down to is choosing to be jealous or choosing not to be.
“You can choose to look at someone else's success and see what's possible and find that belief within yourself of what might be possible for you. I mean, don't you like to think about the idea that you can make $285,000 a month? Like some guy is doing that, and it's amazing to me.” ~ Brooke Castillo
Being competitive can be healthy because it makes you want to do better. But there is a major difference between wanting to do better and actually doing better. Someone succeeding and achieving can be a chance to reevaluate your actions or a lesson on how to do something better.
“You can look to someone else for inspiration and then you can ask yourself, "Can I do this work faster than I did it last year?" And kind of put yourself up against yourself when it comes to what you're creating and what you're doing in your life.” ~ Brooke Castillo
Another question to ask yourself is, does jealousy make you work harder or feel defeated? If it makes you feel defeated, then the feeling is definitely not serving you. Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings determine our actions.
Choose to feel inspired, so your actions can lead you there. Rewiring your brain takes time, so feel the feeling and then instead of looking for evidence to feel insecure and less than, look inward and see which of your actions can be improved or what new ones can be tried. You’ll begin to see someone’s success as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you can grow and flourish more.
“Are you going to say "Good for them" for what they got? "I'm going to get mine and I'm getting mine in the exact amount of time that I meant to get it, and can I step up and be more of who I am and can I be inspired by their example of what is possible?” ~ Brooke Castillo
How to Feel Inspired by Success Instead of Jealous
It is absolutely possible to feel inspired by someone else's success rather than jealous. In fact, many people use others' success as a source of motivation and inspiration to achieve their own goals. Here's how this shift in perspective can happen:
Practice gratitude. Practice gratitude. Practice gratitude. Focus on your blessings and what is going well for you.
Trust the timing of your life. Allow yourself to be guided on your path.
Set goals and actionable steps to achieve the goals. Learn, grow and adapt on your journey.
Build your self-esteem without external validation. You are worthy and you are enough as you are, and not only when someone else says it is so.
Be inspired and not discouraged by the real or perceived successes of others:
Success stories of others can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities. Analyse what the successful person did to reach their goals, and consider how you can apply similar strategies and principles to your own life and aspirations.
Successful individuals often have valuable networks and connections. Instead of feeling jealous, consider building a relationship with them. Collaborating or seeking advice from successful people can be a great way to further your own goals.
Celebrate the success of others genuinely. When you do this, you reinforce a positive and supportive attitude, which can help create a more positive and inspiring environment for yourself and those around you.
Remember that life is full of abundance. There is always more to go around and for everyone to have a share. There is enough room for more than one person to shine.
In summary, shifting from jealousy to inspiration involves changing your perspective and mindset. When you see others' success as a source of motivation and learning, it can help you grow personally and professionally, rather than hinder your progress.
“Other people's lives are exactly the journey that they're meant to have, and my journey is this one. If I want what someone else has, right? I can create it. I know I can, and if I want to, I believe that that is ... I believe that our desires and our wants are kind of our map to our destiny and so really paying attention to something I really want and why I want it is really, really important.” ~ Brooke Castillo
If social media is not serving you well, switch it off and spend time in nature. When relationships are becoming unhealthy, set boundaries and surround yourself with hopeful and happy people. Practice mindfulness daily and romanticise your life more.
Spirited Earthling is more than just a blog – it's a gathering place for kindred spirits drawn by an interest in self-discovery, the appeal of self-care, and a desire for a deeper connection to the world. Written and created for curious minds and spiritual hearts seeking meaning in everyday life, this blog aims to help you curate your wholesome personal growth with free weekly ideas and affordable resources for sale.
As you navigate your personal growth journey using the words and ideas shared here, consider sharing this blog with someone looking for inspiration or motivation on their own journey. We are all spirited earthlings, and can lift each other together with mindful, connected living.
Thank you for being part of this community.
Best wishes, warm regards
Jordan
Listen to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo episode here.
Affirmations: I live in abundance. I have everything I need. I let go of feelings that do not serve my highest good.
To-do exercise: When feelings of insecurity and inadequacy arise, rewrite the negative thought into a positive affirmation. Change the outlook and language.
Journal Prompts: Think of when you last felt jealous. What is it about that person / situation that makes you feel this way? Why is this making you jealous? What can I change in my life to get the thing I am jealous of? What do I need to accept and make peace with if I cannot get what I am jealous over?
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